Thursday, April 21, 2011

Ten years, a marriage, and two kids later......

Ten years, a marriage, and two kids later...... the pain is still there.

Earlier this week marked the 10 year anniversary of my uncle David's death. His murder rather.

While the man who killed him roams free, we mourn. While he lives to watch his children grow, I look at mine and wish David could have just known them. Oh how he'd love them! He loved everyone, especially kids and mine are missing out because of ONE senseless act of violence.

Watching Pigtails play softball I think of just how loud he'd be cheering her on in the stands, and how proud he would have been to watch her play. Pigskins starts  REAL football this year and I could just picture David in the yard showing him the ropes. But, that's all it will ever be.... a picture in my mind.

It's hard to believe it's been 10 years since we said good-bye. We all know the saying "Time heals all wounds"... but that couldn't be further from the truth. Time makes us older. Age makes us wiser, and GOD helps us heal. Time doesn't get to steal God's glory! In the ten years since David's passing... have we healed?! I hope so. I think it's a process. With God's help, and the promise of Heaven, we heal everyday, and will do so for the rest of our lives. We adapted. We learned to live with the pain. We learned to lean on God when our wounds feel fresh all over again. We learned to trust that we'll be together again one day and that when the scars start to sting, God feels the same pain and that he'll take it away.

We serve an awesome God, and I was so blessed to have a family that taught me God's word, and guided me in my faith. Without our faith, we'd have crumbled in the wake of our family tragedy.

Not a day goes by that I don't miss my Uncle David and wish I could hear his laugh one more time. He was supposed to walk me down the aisle on my wedding day. He was supposed to be sitting in the waiting room when I had my kids. I know he was, but not the way we all dreamed he would be.

I hope someday that the man who did this to him, to us, realizes just what he took from our family. I hope he looks at his daughters and feels a FRACTION of the pain that my grandparents felt when they buried their son. I hope he gets down on his knees and BEGS for forgiveness. I hope that one day, he'll feel the pain of his actions and he'll experience remorse. True, gut wrenching, remorse. I know God forgives, and I hope he asks for God to pour out his grace and forgive him.

Do I forgive him? Yes, I do. Is that crazy?! Absolutely not.

I know he took something we'll NEVER get back. But, I also know that if I harbor hate in my heart, I'm no better than him. Does it bother me that he is free!? That he only served six years in prison for robbing someone of a lifetime?! YOU BET! But, that doesn't translate into hatred or an inability to forgive.

A lot can happen in 10 years people. I've gotten married, had two kids, and moved all over the country. I've missed David every. single. day.

Hug someone you love, right now. Call someone you love, right now. Don't let the moment pass. Pray, pray and thank God for all your blessings. For the people that love you, and the people that hurt you. Pray for peace, for patience, for God to fill you with the love David had in his heart.

I'll miss you forever Uncle David.

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